Breaking My Own Rules

I don't know if it's a personal rule, or just something that I believe in, but for the most part when I am in line or at a register at a store (or whatever) I do what I can to not be on the phone at that particular point in time. Maybe I just believe that human interaction should be what it is, and not be hindered by the utmost importance of a phone call, because just having a cell phone that someone calls shows your importance to the general populace. But after taking a walk to CVS tonight I received a call while waiting in line for the single open register, and thought "Eh, I'll answer it," and while talking a new cashier moseyed over to a register and waved me towards him. I noticed he was acting strangely while I walked to the register, but kept my composure. I didn't end the call, instead I nestled the phone between my shoulder and head while I handed him the blank DVD's and fished around in my pockets for my wallet. During this time he twitched and make extremely random noises, he quite possibly had tourrette's or something of that nature. They must have given him the night shift for a reason because I must admit, it was pretty creepy. It reminded me of the jerking around movements of modern horror movies where one second he would be looking at me, then the floor, then the ceiling, then me again almost like a strobe light effect. Normally in these circumstances I would not know where to look or how to act in order to make them think that I was not staring, but luckily since I was on the phone I didn't have to fake interest in the gum or candy bar selection. As soon as he handed me my change, I said "have a good night" and I was out of there. A perfect example of the saying "some rules were meant to be broken" (especially in certain circumstances).

3 am edit: ok i found out he actually did have tourrettes. now i feel kinda bad for making fun of him... kinda.
-eD

New Slang

more along the lines of trying to make slang. I got two pieces of slang to try to send out into the world. Not sure they are ready for everyday conversation yet, but maybe someday.

The one I heard recently from my roommate Justin, was "Crap-Ass". It just sounds hilarious. Like stop being such a crap-ass! or even You smell like a crap-ass! heh. awesome!

And one I was reminded of, one that I tried to start, "Sacagawea'd". I felt she was slighted with the dollar coin that she received which does not seem to be in circulation much anymore. She was slighted so much that even on the coins, since there was not any representation to base the coin off of, they made lady liberty into a native american to pose as sacagawea. Isn't that some crap? Therefore, the definition of Sacagawea'd is if someone were to get screwed by "The Man", then they would be sacagawea'd. As in, "Man I totally hate taxes, it's like I've been sacagawea'd!
-eD

Firsts...

I had two firsts today.

#1 - I tied a ponytail
#2 - I put together a bike. My bike since 2000 (still with PSU sticker). So excited.

-eD

I wear my sun glasses @ night...

sun glasses are for voyeurs.

I realized this went to the Venice Beach Boardwalk and wore my sun glasses for the first time out of the car in a long time. I have no problem what-so-ever staring at people (for whatever reason - mind out of the gutter people), when I have my sunglasses on. That's pretty cool, I'm a people watcher. Random people inspire me for random humor or idea's for shorts, or just to make fun of them.
-eD

when words are your weapons, be careful not to shoot yourself in the face.
-eD

Sleepy

I realized that if you haven't slept for a few days the concept of a short nap doesn't really work out too well. it also seems like the early hours of the day my room likes to pester me. Because at about 4:15-4:30 am today after I used my bathroom when i tried to close the door the handle fell off. Like right the hell off. Had to close it by holding the bottom of the door. Hopefully I can fix it easily today, otherwise it's being JB welded together and whoever lives in the house next can deal with the damned door.
-eD

Other Heh's of today

scraped the bottom of the door of my roommates 66 Mustang convertible on a raised sidewalk today. Felt like I ran over someone's dog. I say dog, cause I don't like felines too much. But he laughed it off, and I can finally laugh about it about 10 hrs after the incident.

I just saw a commercial for "Save Money, Live Better" Walmart about some new rock band game for the xbox 360, and the written line for the ad was, "a family that rocks out together, stays together". It shows a mother and her two kids (of course one girl, one boy) and they both slap her high fives. You don't even notice that the father is sitting in the back throwing his hands up like a loon, so if you don't rewind and watch it over and over it seems like a single mother and her kids, so my first thought was, "I guess they didn't rock so well together". Oh commercials... Way to convince parents to buy their kids video games so that they can play them.
-eD

cable doesn't always help

I had the intention of watching the steelers game on tv today, but I couldn't seem to find the channel that it was on (i think it only aired locally maybe). However in searching through the many many channels (if i do even watch live tv it's something on cartoon network, comedy central, or nickelodeon) I found myself watching "Lucha Libre" on one of the spanish speaking channels. I have no idea what was going on besides people in costumes chasing other people in costumes in or around a wrestling ring. I probably watched it for too long, but damn it really draws you in with all those flashy costumes.
-eD

Whoops!

This is the first piece that I have done in a long time for my O.S.D. (Onslaught of Spoonfed Desensitization) book. I have a feeling it won't be out for a few years. There is still tons of work that needs done for it. I may post some of the older poems and artwork up here at some point.
-eD

Playing Catch Up

I was a little lacking this week on posts. I was so busy that every time I thought of something funny I would forget before actually writing it down. But that is what's so nice about a camera phone. I can remember some humorous things that happened this week just by looking at the pictures I took with my phone. so here is camera phone catch up for this past week...
We tend to walk decent distances from parking spots in LA and were meeting Aaron at Chipotle. As soon as I spotted him he texted me asking where we were. I thought it would be hilarious if I could just reply with a photo of him, but by the time I got close enough to get a decent pic and set it all up he spotted us. My plan failed, but it would've been great!I had a little fun before I went to the bank. ..Went to Hooters to see a friend of mine from Fl, and found the smallest curly fry in the world! (at least the smallest I've ever seen) Also I almost lasted the entire meal without the story of how I broke his Mexican wind chimes playing Wii Tennis coming up. Almost, thanks Javier.
-eD

Montage of Screw-Ups

I learned two things whenever I did the video pitch for a short animated film that I wrote...
#1 I shouldn't edit
#2 I really shouldn't even try to act

I also had no idea how strange it looks when I crack my neck. yikes, I almost look like a deranged owl.
-eD

Muppets

For a while these two were my "Road Dogs" if you will, mainly during the time I spent in Fl. Kermit would always get angry though because I made him sit in the back when I drove. Fozzy was always riding shotgun though. I think there were a few times that I even had friends sitting in the backseat cause Fozzy wasn't willing to give up his seat. Fozzy may be the actual reason that I don't like tomatoes, but that is purely speculation... Wokka Wokka!
-eD

Crazy Squirrel

So yesterday my roommate Justin & I saw a squirrel chillin up on the power lines behind our house munching on one of the many wires that goes to our house (which looked to me like our cable line). So being the educated individual that I am, I decide to throw rocks at the bugger to get him to stop eating our entertainment and internet link to the outside world. I was way off multiple times with the rocks, then stop because I realize that there are houses behind ours and it isn't worth breaking someone's window over. Then Justin picks up some berries that fell off of one of the trees in the backyard and actually hits the little critter in the head, but he keeps on chewing like nothing happened. We walk to the back of the garage and throw more items, and even shake some wires that hang off of the other wires, and finally he moves on to another houses wires. Believing that we were successful we head back inside. I totally forgot about this, but for the 15 minutes or so that we were figuring out how to get this squirrel to move was hilarious. Two grown men trying to outfox a single squirrel.
-eD

Some Old Road Trip Ha Ha's

I was looking through some old pictures that I took when I drove from Pa to Ca back in Dec '07 and found a few that had some funny stories attached to them.
The amusing thing about this besides the crudeness of the message was that we stopped at this rest stop and right before I went to the urinal at like 3 or so in the am I was at the maps trying to assess the route that we would take. Heh, very glad i didn't have to look at the maps after I read this.

I have no idea why anyone would need a hand dryer that is this powerful. It seems a bit leaning towards the "holy crap" response when drying your hands.
-eD

Burger Bun Situation

I have no idea what to really think of this situation. It was more strange than anything, but it amused me at the least. I purchased an angus burger from McDonald's (don't ask why), and the burger bun seemed to have indications on the bottom of the bun for where to put your fingers for an optimal grip. It did seem to work, but bits of onion, bacon, and drops of sauce were still falling everywhere, so I doubt it made any difference.-eD

Crazy Flight Home...

The trip started with the craziest traffic I have ever seen in or around Pittsburgh. My flight was leaving at 7pm, and I got to the check-in area around 6:36 or so. I must say that it was the fastest most frantic route to the terminal that I have ever had. Luckily there was hardly any line in security and when I get to the gate around 6:47 they had not even started to board the plane.
Then there was Cleveland... I don't know what it is with people and needing to be first at everything, but the airport is a strange place to people watch. At the gates even before they start boarding the plane people start lining up and blocking the rest of the walkway.
It was fun to hear all the guy driving carts being annoyed though. They didn't have loud speakers so that was fun. The plane trip to LA was not as space restricted as my flight to Pa luckily, but it was still interesting none the less. On my left near the window was an older pregnant woman who snored in my ear and kept bumping my leg during her restless sleep, and on my right was a tattooed boy/man who was air drumming to music on his iPod/iTouch/iPhone/iSomething. Unfortunately I also saw him playing the air base out of my peripheral vision, however his plucking fingers were dangerous close to his crotch so I didn't feel like looking.
The trip back was decent, then when I got my bag from baggage claim I realized it was wet and automatically knew that my contact solution had opened during the trip and made everything in the top of my luggage moist with saline solution.
Finally I had a TCB moment (Takin Care o' Business). While I was waiting for my pickup from the airport a college aged looking guy came up to me seeing i had my phone out and asked if he could use my phone. I noticed he had no shoes on (which in LA normally means homeless), but his clothes were clean and he had decent looking luggage. I realized if he ran I could catch him most likely, but I would have to leave my luggage. Being the paranoid good Samaritan that I am, I asked him the number he needed to call, and called his father for him and played middle man to an interesting conversation. The father never asked anything about who I was or anything, but he told me how many times he drove around the airport and he must have just passed him, also he was in this kids mother's car and not his. It was definitely a very interesting situation. He was nice enough to say thanks and as he left he waved and said have a nice weekend. That is the last time I wear my Batman shirt to the Airport!
-eD

Thurs Night Game

For some reason tonight (Thursday) the announcers for the Steelers game looked like they were set up for "Monday Night Football", they had the logo up and everything. Needless to say I was confused.

Also spent the night at the Italian Club with my Irish side of the family. Which I find very amusing considering they are all members, and I think I have more Italian in me than they do.
-eD

Paper Placemat Ha Ha

This was our placemat at dinner. we wanted shirts of it.
-eD

Best find while at home...

FAYGO @ sheetz!

-eD

Peer Pressure

Peer pressure. This is the amount of pressure built up when multiple peers are around other peers. However, when too many peers are around at any point in time, one's head may pop from all the pressure.
-eD

Get Motivated and Screwed

went to a "motivational" seminar called Get Motivated which sounded like a great idea at the time at Mellon Arena in Pittsburgh. It had speakers like Terry Bradshaw, Troy Polamalu, Gen. Colin Powell, former NY Mayor Rudy Giuliani, Zig Zigler (who was more like a sad puppet being played by his shallow children for money) Woke up at 4:15, Doors opened at 6:45, and it started at 8 am, so of course I had fun making fun of Pittsburgh people waiting in line. Was a few good speakers, but more like a timeshare pushing classes that were in no way motivation related, and almost made the whole thing a waste of time. The main MC Tamara Lowe reminded me of the crackheads that come to your door selling magazine subscriptions in LA, she ruined the whole thing for me with her holier than thou BS before she started promoting her book which i imagine is full of more dung than a pile of Triceratops poo from Jurassic Park.

We were some of the first people there and got to watch as the stragglers wandered in...
two things I figured out in line:
#1 - Three accessories/styles annoy me more than any other: Fanny Packs (Crotch Sacks), Cell Phones clipped onto belts, and shirts (that aren't button ups or with neckties) that are tucked into pants, especially jeans. Don't know why. It just does. All 3 things at once make me have an instant migraine. Don't even get me started on those Ugg boots...

#2 - There is much less competition being a single man in da Burgh compared to LA especially when your competition looks like dis...Didn't catch a pic showing his pocket protector or long finger nails, but I think you already get the picture...
-eD

Took some pictures at wally world today.

the soon to be recalled elmo's tickle hands, which have little vibrating sensors in the mittens.

Then of course there is the back up alarm. I think they should be more concerned with the size of that kid! That or the fact that he is picking up a Friggin Van with his bare hands!

And of course the piece D'Resistance... As Hobbs put it, Hair Lasagna!His neck hair was sticking out so far I had to take a picture of this parfait or hair, with sasquatch hair coming out of his shirt, nicely shaven neck, buzz cut, then no hair again. Don't know why I found this so funny, but I did, so now you all have to witness it as well.

-eD

Butt R Fly

Was sitting in the living room looking out the bay window of my house in PA and got to witness a huge butterfly slam into the window. I don't know what it is about things running into glass but i always find it funny...

As long as it isn't me, at least.

(edit - since this original post I witnessed about another 5 large bugs slamming into the window)
-eD

I use to be large. Now i'm a bit more extra.
-eD

Cut the grass today for the first time in over a year. Missed the zen aspect but not the sun or allergies. Ended up with two bandanas. So while i was fending off bits of grass and other flying sneeze and lung closing projectiles the neighbors just saw a random train robber in shorts and a sleeveless shirt cutting the lawn.
-eD

Up Up n Away

Flew back to PA today. Plane trip from LA to Philly was not so bad, but my flight from Philly to Pittsburgh was quite annoying. I had more than enough to do, whether watching movies on my psp or read books, but was a bit distracted by the overflowing personality & flesh that was a part of the woman next to me. I ignored her as much as I could, but she had more arm hair than a wookie, was almost the size of two of me, and looked like she massaged her face with a right outta the wrapper big mac. This is what had me pinned against the window of the plane for about 2 hours. The most amusing part of her convo with the random guy (who actually knew what my hatchetman was from) next to her was that she hated LA because "the people there are too mean." Couldn't hold it in anymore and started to laugh, and I said, "I am from LA and people are just as mean anywhere else." She did a snore/breath as she looked in my direction, but i couldn't make eye contact, because then they would try to drag me into their painful (why can't I turn on my Ipod yet) conversation. I don't know how you could hate a whole city because of a few people. Granted I did just have an amusing time making fun of this stranger, which I believe would be considered mean, so perhaps she was right, but I'm still PA born n raised so quit your whining and go back to Texas, yeehaaa suuuiiiiieeeeee!

Guess I'm just mean...
-eD

Mustaches

I think mustaches cause the majority of unsuccessful snot-rockets.
-eD

Interesting B-Day Gift...

The most interesting birthday wish that I received today was an email from the online traffic school that I had to take an online class from (when almost a year ago I accidentally went through a red light, to not have any points on my license).

“Hopefully, you will not get a ticket this year but if you do then enter special discount code HAPPYBIRTHDAY at www.GoToTrafficSchool.com and get $5 off the price of the course!”

Just what I wanted for my b-day. Thanks online traffic school!
-eD

Obama is an Aug 4th man...

if Pres Obama does something stupendous to make this day a holiday, he would be my fave president hands down. Right now it's a tie between Lincoln and Washington (Cause Lincoln has the logs, but you have to give George props on wooden teeth come on now).
-eD

Didn't Take Long...

It didn't take too long before my amusingly motivational opinion of the card turned to just plain creepy. I can understand having it up during work hours, okay. But when you are working through the night and start to doze, then you nod your head back up to be looking in the stern face of a strange old lady, well let me just say, that is not what you want to see. I think I will re-locate this card now...

the roomate is going to love (or hate) this. wonder if I'll hear him laugh.

-eD

Work Ethic Reinforced

I got a birthday card from my uncle, aunt, and cousins today. I can honestly say that they have never sent me a card that was not funny. But I am using this new card to help stop procrastination. I have it right next to my laptop so now every time i see it, I can hear the card talking to me, "Ah ah ahhh, shouldn't you be working?"
-eD

John K's Sketch of me on CNN?

When I was at Comic-Con, while getting John K. creator of Ren & Stimpy to sketch me, a woman with a camera walked right up to him and started asking him questions. He didn't seem too happy about it, but answered her in simple answers to get her to leave. After her little interview he asked her who she was filming for, she said CNN. I thought this was totally bogus, but decided to check anyway. Lo and behold she was actually serious and there was a series of clips and short interviews for a Saturday Comic-Con recap where John K. is interviewed and you can see him finishing the sketch of me. I am not in the video besides the sketch but it's still pretty cool.

-eD

Random Lady Speak (8/01)

Today was a random women say random things kind of day. It started off when I was driving and was in a turning lane waiting to turn left. A woman in a car passing the other direction yells "Hip Hop" as she drove past. I didn't think my music was loud enough to hear, but after a chuckle I just shrugged it off and kept on my errands. Then during breakfast a woman walked past and almost yelled "Pancakes" as she was walking out of the restaurant. I had waffles. very strange.
-eD